The True Story of Commitment

When people hear the word commitment most think of a relationship, marriage, dating or something in that area.  When people commit to a relationship, it doesn't have to be with someone in a romantic way but also with friends.  Think about, do you have a commitment to talk to your friends every now and then to catch up? You may not think of it as a commitment but if you do not talk to your friends or see your friends for a week or so, then your relationship starts to fade away.  So why if we have so many commitments to friendships do we tend to fade away from committing to romantic relationships?

Think about it.

Everyone at one point in their life is faced with the option to commit to a relationship or to let the relationship go in a different way.  Many people need commitment to feel secure and accepted by themselves and others, but other people also see commitment as a restriction and something that they cannot handle.

People are hurt emotionally through relationships that didn't work out, by people who let them down, and from trusting people who shouldn't have been trustworthy. So how does this all affect commitment? It all comes down to trust vs. mistrust and how each individual handles the situation.

On one hand you have the people who need commitment.  These people feel alone and lost without a relationship and not accepted.  To have the feeling of acceptance or love, they tend to search for relationships even when they aren't for the best.  We have all had that friend that bounces from one relationship to another and it never lasts long.  Think about why they bounce from relationship to relationship, it's because when they are in a relationship they feel the emotion of being wanted and desired.  The positives to being ready to commit to a relationship is that there will never be a half-hearted a relationship these type of people are in.  They invest fully in every relationship they are in.  The negatives though: They could get in relationships that they don't really want to be in but are in for the acceptance.  They can go a long time in a relationship in fear of leaving their partner because they don't want to lose the security of a relationship.

Then there are the people who can never seem to commit to a relationship and actually fear having to commit to something long term.  Judgement about these people are that they don't fully like people or they don't want to only like one person when that isn't always the case.  Many people fear commitment for the pure fact of letting people down.  A lot of people do not like to feel the responsibility of caring about others when some of the times people have troubles caring for themselves.  People who are afraid of commitment may not be worried about the restrictions or the label like most people think about, but more worried about the outcome of the commitment if it does not end well.

Both of these examples are the extremes on both sides of the commitment scale.  Many times when someone is on one side of the scale, or in the middle they cannot see why the other side of the scale is acting the way they do.  A key and important fact to remember is that you may not understand a different view point then yours, but don't judge what you don't understand.  Different does not mean it's wrong.  If you keep this in mind, many commitment issues can be resolved.

-Raboin